Little shadow, to the night..

Abby's life...an overview.

Progressive stole my taco bit...watch for the commercial with a guy who talks to the annoying progressive woman about mind reading.
Money is tight...i can't really blame my parents...i remember distinctly when i was ten going over the Sanibel causeway that my dad lovingly stated that i'm going to be finishing high school right about the same time he will be retiring and that I better not ruin his retirement. And well...he has a BMW, a motorcycle, a pool, and two new bathrooms...and my mom spends $1500 on a statue...but i'm to allowed to be mad that they can't help me out with food.
I'm taking three courses over the summer so i can graduate in the spring. Hopefully, i can just go to grad school become a TA and then just weasel my way into the system.
I'm not as anxious anymore...maybe about school work to some extent but i feel when it comes to people...i've given up on trying to please everyone all the time. I don't feel like I'm as much of doormat...when it comes to roomies however i do all i can to maintain peace...but even at that, I do it for me.
I like kitties still...but Lola sneezes in my face. She's kind of a bitch.
I like to make him laugh...like burst out in laughter. Seeing his face express that much happiness and knowing i'm the source of it...it's the greatest feeling.
My dreams are absolutely awful.... rapists, murderers, torture, him cheating on me...I hate it...so I guess my anxiety is just more repressed during the day and then explodes my brain while I sleep.
I miss my friends...my ny friends who forget how to drive.
Sorry if i seem distracted...im thinking about tacos.
Thats all,
Abbykins

my name is abby (really this is mckenzie) and all i love are tacos and kitties. tehehehe. that is how i laugh.

i'm debating on whether i should bring this back...

1 - i can't formulate proper sentences anymore.
2 - my life is not exciting.

whatcha think?

i lied...i'm going to fgcu. e! thank god for the machlins.

well here it goes...

I, Abby Traucht, will not be attending RIT come next week. Instead I had to pull together a plan B so quick that my body aches, my head is about to explode....and well I lost a bit of my dignity.

Here is the plan...
I'm going to Edison...as shitty as it is...its ok...i cope with it knowing that it is only temporary. I'll go there until spring term and then transfer to fsu. On the fsu website for transfers it says they will only consider students with an aa degree from a FL community college obviously that is not me....but i have been in contact with the head of admissions and she likes me and says she can get me in (i thank ib for that). I think I probably would have done a semester at RIT if she hadnt told me specifically that I should stay in state and go to a community college to get credits. Even with her guaranteeing me a place this January, i'm going to have a plan B for spring term too (if all of this shit taught me anything it is to have a backup plan)...because if fsu doesnt work out as soon as i plan on it to..you best know bitties that i'm getting the fuck out of here as soon as i can...so ill apply to ucf and usf too.

i suppose i should explain why all of this came up...well...honestly since i received my diploma and my schedule for rit classes i have been doubting it...my schedule revolves around photo; i had one microecon class and one freshmen enrichment class...all the rest were photo classes. it scared me... i'm not inspired to do photography...not because i dont think i'm good enough or any of that...it's just i feel like i'm more well rounded then RIT allows me to be...and i'm by no means giving up photography...i'm just going to stay in state to decide if its really what i want to do...i'm way more passionate about writing right now too. i feel as if i was just longing to get as far away from this place as possible (rit is practically in canada..thus the basis of its appeal) that i made my college decision in an unrealistic mindset. so now i'm paying for it...but i'm not paying anything :) yaaaay bright futures! Also I had a huge RIT tuition payment when i decided all of this and of course it scared the shit out of me....i would be $96,000 in debt if i stayed in their program and im not about to subject myself to that kind of torture if i dont even know if i really want to do photography. and even one semester is about $13,000 wasted...if i was planning on transferring back in state anyway..why would i do that? plus my credits wouldnt transfer well because of all the photo classes....

i'll be ok...i tell myself that and he tells me that so i'm starting to believe it. The only thing i can do at this point is make fun of it...i was in line at edison to get things situated and i was accompanied by 2 dads 4 moms and 2 pregnant bitches...i think i might have to pop out a kiddo to just fit in lolz...nah but it made me think that i'm lucky...i'm not stuck here...i just have a little delay on my departing time.

So what can i do? I'll focus on the little things that make me happy. I have frankie and ralphie to cheer me up for alittle longer..i have all of bens music to make me happy or sad whatever i feel is appropriate for me...i get alot of texts and phone calls to keep my spirits up.. i got to go 45 on sanibel today without being pulled over...there was a utility truck with obnoxious blinking lights on the back and i was not stuck at a red light behind it because i was able to switch lanes...im slowly mending my relationship with my mother...she told me she was sorry for everything...and i got to hug my alexisrae today. I can look forward to many road trips all over the state to see my friends...i'm planning on going to ny area too. i'm going to keep myself sane by constantly working and getting A s...and thinking to myself i dont belong at edison but ill do what i can with what i have.

I want to apologize to the friends i wasnt able to see before they went off to college...i know it doesnt fix anything...it doesnt excuse me...but ive had alot of things on my mind and i wasnt in any condition to hang out...i dont want to throw a pity party for myself but with all of this college shit on top of my friends leaving...my heart breaking...my sister having a tumor...life was just shitty... but i know you all will do amazing and i want all of your addresses so i can write letters in all the time i have nothing better to do. PLEASE if you read this give me your address so i can write you...i'm not going to have anything to do. keep me busy!

and for the love of god if you are in fort myers call me.

i love everyone.
i miss everyone.

sorry this was so long.

i love it that harry potter has much larger problems than i do...fucking dementors, he who must not be named...see thats just really scary shit.


me minds a racin'

a speciL ThAnks to McKenzie and Hannah.

ok so picture this. it's 1:50. there is this crazy irish music my mother put on and we are gulping down champagne and baking for my grad party. haha. i'm drunk and it's not even 2. life is good kids. life is good.

if i ever complain again shoot me dead...
in the last two days i've:

completed the IB program
got a keyboard
found out that mrs.schwantes is letting me keep my enlarger
and oh wait...what is this...
i'm typing this on my new macbook pro....oh happy day!
aaaaand we officially graduate today and i'm not dead..i thought i would be dead by now.
still breathing.
life is good.

.
.
.
but seriously...
why is it so boring?
i need a job.

i've been freaking out a bit lately. I'm just scared. I'm scared shitless of the next couple months; of the next couple years. I know I'm going to be fine. It's just alot of change in very little time. I'm moving to a desolate cold little section of the world where i hear there is never one beam of sunshine, but i will feel right at home seeing as i basically just described my room. so if i'm acting weird or sad thats probably the only thing bothering me. i'm going to miss my alexisrae too but it's cool. we hardly see each other anyway yet we talk on the phone alot so nothing will really change besides her not being able to bust in my house without knocking and crash on my couch ha.

last night was interesting. it surprisingly made me realize alot of things about myself. 

today i went to centennial park and i saw a dove and a crow fighting. they were vicious. they were battling for my soul. i lost my keys. i panicked and i was running around looking for them and hear my car alarm..my heart stopped. and i ran back to my car and saw an old man there. he asked if i owned the car and the keys i said yes and i left. it restored my hope for human kindness in a way.

i made two post about the saves the day/ say anything/ MEG & DIA (not tia..show some respect. ha.) & manchester orchestra show that were like mini novels but my computer decided not to let me post them and if i re wrote it for a third time i'd probably cry.
anyway.

i was so happy today 
1) b/c i finally don't give a shit about ib which might be kinda bad considering i only have two tests left. but i came out of the environment exam laughing about how bad i did and not caring at all.
2) b/c i was going to see a zach braff movie with a little girl i haven't seen much of lately.
3) b/c the concert on friday was so good i'm still bubbling over with happiness as i'm blaring saves the day in my car.
4) b/c i was proud of myself for not drinking coffee in 2 days and only having two cups of tea and 4 excedrin. 

so i was on the phone telling alexisrae how happy i felt and then something horrible happened...
lightning struck two inches away from my car window and all the happiness drained from my body, my eyes bugged out, and i realized i don't want to go to rit. 
:[
I dunno but today i was hit with a million regrets on my decision of going there. ay.

some1 call me. i'm soooooo bored and without my phone. i'm still very sad about that. i have my moms phone stillll...please call. i feel like i should be working on homework or something. i must be going crazy. i'm considering doing an environmental practice test. thats fucked up. some1 save me. please.

8221757.

i lost my cell phone...so i'm stealing my mothers until i find it...which doesn't look good at this point. and i only have alexisrae's number memorized so if i love you leave a number for me.

822-1757.

hoa hurts me alot.

Life is good for the most part. 
lots of birthdays.
graduation is soooon.
ib testing is crappy i have test on mon.tues.wed.thurs. this week. 
I'm not looking forward to it but but but....then
SAVES THE DAY AND SAY ANYTHING ON THE 11TH WOOOOO!
i'm bored.

I put down my deposit for RIT. I'm goin! I also found a facebook group aaaand...well read. what a betch! but hey maybe he'll keep me warm :P

guy to girl ratio iiiiiiis....60:10...wooooohooo!!

Tim Sidle (Ithaca High School) wrote at 4:21pm yes. simple as that Message - Report

Abby Traucht wrote at 3:56pm I'm from florida...I've seen snow maaaaybe four times in my life...am i going to die? Delete

oh nooooo!

Brittney Leyser (Beachwood High School) wrote at 4:35pm haha your thin blood is going to turn to ice :)

I choked again. I couldn't say anything. i just ignored him. he was sitting a couple tables down at Barnes & Noble. he called my name..and was trying to engaged in conversation again. i looked away. Matt and Katie saved me again. my dad picked me up and saw him check me out but didn't do or say anything...i was kind of disappointed...in myself too. it's so hard to say anything and i think if i did..i wouldn't be able to stop screaming at him. just the fact that i'm having dreams and i'm not strong enough to react better in front of him ...it's frustrating. and that he remembered my name and everything. i'm freaked out. uuuuuuuug. i really don't think i can handle this. my nerves were completely shot last night and the only thing that could calm me down was scrubs. not a very good way to start off my spring break.

ps Happy Birthday to Zach Braff!! 

it starts....

my life is becoming even more crazy...

but this time...it's good crazy...like being 5 feet from marilyn manson at his private gallery opening crazy...like almost dying on a photo adventure in the middle of nowhere north fort, where the wild boars roam crazy, and going to a cypress after prom party crazy after almost getting into their prom as a "journalist." ha. i've had a great weekend... and to top it off...

i just had my ib photo examination...
and he started off by saying "everyone will fail today...April fools." i didn't think it was funny...as i looked down and saw that i wet myself...jk lolz.

but after that it went really well i'm very pleased and he said i could celebrate...so that is always good.

i will go to barnes and noble tonight ...my mom talked to someone today who set us up with an appointment with the manager but if it happens again they said go straight to the service desk and he will be "escorted out". which means i'll do that and then he'll be waiting for me outside. ooooooooh dear...i guess i'll just risk it to be at my favorite place ever. 

and ms.olsen is a dumb bitch. at this point i would rather jump out of a second story window then spend even 10 minutes in her class.

on a lighter note...YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
i got this email today:

t&s friends. 
 
here is the track listing for our new record. 
 
the con---- 
 
i was married 
relief next to me 
the con 
knife going in 
are you ten years ago 
back in your head 
hop a plane 
soil, soil 
burn your life down 
nineteen 
floorplan 
like O, like h 
dark come soon 
call it off 
 
******************************************************************************************** 
the record is being released on july 24, 2007 in North America. we will have international release dates posted soon. 
 
in the next few weeks we will be announcing tour dates. really small shows.and lots of in store performances at great indie record shops. we're brainstorming ideas so that those of you in the loop can get tickets fast. I really feel excited for these mini shows, because they will be intimate and special. like a family reunion of sorts. 
 
these shows will happen in july and august on the west and east coasts of canada and the usa. you will be so spoiled.so watch out for the info so you can be included!!! 
 
we'll release the dates for our big north american tour happening in september and october sometime shortly after that. 
 
i can't wait for any of this. i'm going into one of those sleep chambers to pass the time. 
 
zzz 
 
sara